I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
