I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
