his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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