Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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