at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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