Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
