i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
