yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
