Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
