If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
