It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
