Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
