I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
