There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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