A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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