Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
