Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
