is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I currently don't understand fingers.
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