hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
