6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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