he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
