ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
