I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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