He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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