so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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