Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
