I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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