After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
