The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
