I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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