There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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