hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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