The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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