Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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