soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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