so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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