I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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