You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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