I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
