Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
