he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
