Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
