she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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