i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I need water and some morals
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
