my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
