i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
