Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
