I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Boobs speak an international language.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
