I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
no, he came in my armpit
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
