Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
