i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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